When the Holidays Feel Different: Creating Peace After Divorce
There’s a moment every November when the world seems to shift.
The grocery store suddenly smells like cinnamon. Commercials sparkle with cozy families in matching pajamas. Invitations start rolling in for tree lightings, office parties, and neighborhood gatherings.
And if you’ve gone through a divorce, this season can hit you differently.
The same sights and sounds that once felt joyful can now stir up something deeper - nostalgia, loneliness, even a touch of resentment that everyone else seems to be living inside a snow globe of togetherness while you’re still figuring out what your new life looks like.
If that’s where you are right now, take a breath.
You’re not broken, bitter, or behind.
You’re just in a season that’s asking for something more real. You are seeking something gentler, more honest, and ultimately more peaceful.
This isn’t about pretending you love the holidays.
It’s about honoring both the grief and the growth that shows up when life changes, and learning how to create peace (maybe even joy) on your own terms.
The First Holidays “After”
That first holiday season after divorce is often the hardest because everything is unfamiliar.
The rhythm of your traditions has changed. Maybe you’re not waking up to your kids tearing through wrapping paper this year. Maybe the guest list for Thanksgiving dinner suddenly feels complicated. Maybe you’re realizing that the person who used to hang the lights or make the pie crust isn’t around and you’re not sure if you want to keep doing those things yourself.
It’s okay if it feels strange.
It’s okay if you’re not sure where you belong this year.
And it’s more than okay to admit that you don’t want to just “get through it.”
This can be true even beyond that first year. For me the first year felt like a blur and it was the next couple of years after the divorce that caught me off guard. I was working hard to rebuild my life, but the holidays still stirred up that same ache of being ‘different’. I was reminded of what used to be and even though I knew I didn’t want that, I hadn’t yet settled into what it was I did want. I just knew I wanted to enjoy the season in a deeper, more personal way.
You might be experiencing these holidays in the same way.
You want to feel something again. You want to enjoy the holidays, not endure them.
Honoring Both the Grief and the Growth
Grief has a way of sneaking up on us, especially around the holidays. It might show up in small, tender moments - like seeing a family photo from a few years ago or hearing a favorite song that used to play while you decorated the tree.
But grief isn’t always about sadness. It’s also about love. It’s a reflection of how much those moments mattered to you.
And growth? That’s what happens when you let yourself feel all of it. You are open to the bittersweet memories and the quiet relief of not having to live a life that no longer fits.
You might notice a growing sense of self-reliance. You realize that you can create beauty on your own. You might even find yourself surprised by flashes of joy when things are simpler, calmer, quieter.
Peace doesn’t mean you’ve stopped missing things.
It means you’re learning to hold both the ache and the possibility.
This season, instead of running from the grief, let it take space alongside gratitude and hope. Because when you stop fighting the hard emotions, you make space for what’s next.
Redefining “Festive”
We all have an image in our heads of what the holidays should look like. Full house. Overflowing table. Matching stockings. Laughter spilling out of every corner.
But maybe festive can mean something entirely different now.
Maybe it’s:
- A slow morning with your favorite coffee and no rush to be anywhere.
- A walk in the crisp air with a playlist that lifts your mood.
- Lighting one candle at night and taking a deep breath of gratitude.
- Choosing who gets your time and energy — and not apologizing for it.
The old version of festive may have revolved around family obligations and expectations. This new version can be about alignment. You can focus on doing what feels peaceful instead of performative.
It’s not about replacing old traditions with new ones immediately. It’s about experimenting. Try something small. Having big, traditional meals catered instead of cooking it all yourself. Spend Christmas Eve watching a movie marathon with your dog. Visit a friend who “gets it.” Or plan something bold. Maybe this is the year for a solo getaway, a volunteer shift, or even a “friendsgiving” for fellow rebuilders.
Give yourself permission to not know yet what the perfect balance looks like. Peace grows in the space between trying and discovering.
Reclaiming the Season
After divorce, one of the hardest emotional shifts is realizing how much of the holiday energy you used to pour into everyone else. The menu, the decorations, the gifts, the cards. All of this was focused outward.
This year, what if you turned some of that energy inward?
What if you reclaimed this season as a time to nurture yourself the way you used to nurture everyone else?
Ask yourself:
- What do I want to feel this season?
- What would bring me peace?
- What’s one small thing that could make this time of year easier on my heart?
Reclaiming doesn’t mean isolating. It means centering yourself again - being intentional about where your time, energy, and attention go.
You don’t need to prove that you’re “fine.”
You don’t need to be the life of the party.
You certainly don’t need to be the queen of resilience.
You simply get to be exactly who you are - a woman who’s creating a life that reflects who she’s becoming, not who she used to be.
This was extremely difficult for me because it’s way easier to plan for everyone else than to do the work to figure out what I really wanted. But it’s making that shift inward that allowed me to forge new traditions that were actually more fun and less stressful - even if they were still a lot of work. Because these new activities were the ones I chose through love and not obligation.
Three Simple Ways to Create Peace This Holiday
1. Choose Presence Over Perfection
Perfection is exhausting.
Presence is liberating.
Give up the idea that everything has to look right in order to feel right. Let the wrapping paper be crooked. Let the meal be simple. Let the kids see you laugh when something goes sideways.
Presence is about being in your life instead of managing it. It’s listening to your favorite song all the way through. It’s savoring your coffee before you check your phone. It’s saying yes to what feels easy and no to what feels like performance.
When you stop trying to make the season perfect, you make room for it to be yours.
2. Keep What Feeds You and Release What Drains You
Old traditions can be comforting, but they can also become heavy if they no longer reflect your reality.
Ask yourself:
Does this tradition still bring joy, or does it bring pressure?
If it feeds you, keep it. If it drains you, let it go.
Maybe you still love baking cookies with your kids but you skip the all-night decorating session. Maybe you host brunch instead of dinner because it feels easier. Maybe you opt out of gift exchanges altogether.
Let go of the “shoulds.”
They take up space where peace wants to live.
3. Anchor Yourself in Gratitude (The Real Kind)
We’ve all heard “be grateful” enough times to make our eyes roll, but true gratitude isn’t forced optimism. It’s awareness.
It’s that small flicker of appreciation that shows up when you pause.
When you notice the warmth of your blanket.
The taste of a favorite meal.
The text from your friend checking in.
The realization that you are, in fact, okay.
Real gratitude isn’t about ignoring what’s missing - it’s about noticing what’s still here.
When you start looking for those small moments, they multiply. And before you know it, the season starts to feel softer.
When Loneliness Creeps In
Even with the best intentions, there will be moments when loneliness sneaks up on you. Maybe when the house feels too quiet or you see other families gathered together.
It’s natural. It’s part of the process.
Loneliness isn’t always what it seems. At first, I mistook the stillness for sadness - because that’s what we’re told, right? That being alone means something’s missing. But when I stopped filling every moment just to avoid the silence, I discovered something softer underneath: peace. Renewal. A calm that was mine alone.
Instead of judging it, try responding to it with kindness.
Text a friend. Go for a walk. Light a candle. Do something that reminds you that you’re still connected to the world.
And if you need permission to cry - you have it. Tears are a form of release, not defeat.
Every time you give yourself grace, you strengthen your own foundation. Peace is built on compassion for yourself when the old world feels far away and the new one is still taking shape.
The Beauty of a Different Kind of Joy
One of the most surprising gifts of rebuilding after divorce is that joy eventually returns. But it might look a little different. Maybe now joy shows up in a quieter, deeper kind.
It’s not the rush of everything being perfect.
It’s the steadiness that comes from knowing you can handle life as it is.
You begin to feel proud of yourself for creating something from the mess. You begin to see that the life you’re building now might actually fit you better than the one you left behind.
And you start to realize that while everything looks different, it doesn’t mean it’s worse. It might just be truer.
This kind of joy grows slowly, but it sticks. It’s built on authenticity, peace, and freedom.
Creating a Season That Reflects You
If you’ve ever thought, “I just want this year to feel easier,” you’re not alone.
The truth is, you don’t need a new tradition or a big plan to create peace. You just need intention.
Try this:
- Pick three words that describe what you want this season to feel like. (Peaceful. Light. Connected.)
- Check your calendar against those words. If something doesn’t align, let it go.
- Add in more of what matches - even if it’s simple: quiet mornings, music, journaling, nature, friends who feel like family.
When you design your season this way, the overwhelm starts to fade and peace starts to take root.
You’re Allowed to Feel Hopeful
Just like loneliness can be complicated, hope can feel tricky after divorce, especially during the holidays. You may hesitate to believe that joy can return or that peace can last. But it can.
It doesn’t come from recreating your old life. It comes from creating something that feels good in your soul now.
You’ve already survived the hardest parts. You’ve shown up for yourself in ways you never thought possible. You’re stronger, wiser, and more self-aware than you’ve ever been.
This season is your chance to breathe again, to slow down, to be intentional, to open your hands to what’s possible.
You don’t need to wait for next year or a better time.
Finding Your Calm in the Chaos
If this year feels like a balancing act between missing what was and building what’s next, you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
Peace isn’t about eliminating the chaos - it’s about creating calm within it.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Join us in our private Facebook group, Rebranding Divorce, for Finding Your Calm in the Chaos, a special workshop designed for women who are ready to stop just “getting through” the holidays and start feeling grounded again.
Together, we’ll talk about:
- Making the season simpler (and lighter)
- Navigating loneliness and emotional triggers
- Building small rituals that restore calm
- Rediscovering joy on your own terms
This year, let’s stop performing “merry” and start creating meaning.
You deserve a holiday that feels peaceful, beautiful, and completely your own.
